What the heck is “permanent” chastity?

In which I muse on the nature of what is permanent chastity, how it’s a bit of a misnomer…

Oh honey, permanent chastity is your normal now…

Discovering “Permanent Chastity”

I originally came across the idea of “permanent” chastity (I’m gonna stop using the airquotes because I’ve already made my implications clear) with the subreddit of the same name as the term.

When I heard the words “permanent chastity” I suspected that it meant I was never, ever going to be unlocked again. Sure, that’s a hot fantasy, but reality is quite different and would snap me back every time. It took a long time to understand permanent is not the fixed, immovable item locked on but really it’s a mindset as much as the rest of the chastity play/lifestyle is.

In the aforementioned subreddit’s description, they define it as:

We are oriented toward mechanically permanent and permanent-style chastity device wear. Our ideal is indefinite long-term chastity with no set end date, and a positive decision, and possibly tools, required to remove the device.

But there’s a problem.  Nothing we do to our bodies is really truly permanent.  Very much like chastity itself without the connotations of ‘forever’, male chastity devices are often surprisingly easy to get out of, given the extremely soft and flexible nature of a flaccid penis.  Ball-trap devices are tricker to remove completely given the testicles aren’t as soft, but with enough finagling, can be pushed through tight gaps.  It’ll be sore as anything afterwards, like you’ve been kicked in the nuts by a dinosaur, but it can be done.  Pulling out is a persistent problem – I can pull out of my Steelheart without the Prince Albert loop in use.  I don’t typically do it – my keyholding wife knows it’s possible, but she also knows if I got up to no good as well.  A red arse would soon follow if she discovered that.

No Such Thing.

Many people bemoan the idea that chastity can often be defeated so easily.  Yet, it’s a tool, as Tom Allen would write:

Okay, I want everybody to sit down and take a deep breath. Most of you have heard this, but not all of you were listening, so it may come as a shock.

There is no such thing as an inescapable chastity device.

I want you to trust Doctor Tom on this one. I have been working with tools since I was a child. I own an entire machine shop. There is no metal that can not be cut, nor any lock that can not be defeated by the proper application of time, effort, and money. Stainless steel? Feh, I cut that in my garage. Titanium? Don’t make me laugh. Carbonite? Get real, that’s only in Star Wars.

I pretty much agree in to this summary – in fact I encourage you to read the rest of his article, it’s quite the eye opener if you’re looking at chastity through the lens of just a fantasy.  He’s written a very grounded approach to what is essentially a long-term sex game.

Suspension of Disbelief

There are plenty of ways to make things sufficiently difficult enough to increase the ‘suspension of disbelief’.  Suspension of disbelief is sometimes called willing suspension of disbelief, it is an intentional avoidance of critical thinking or logic in examining something unreal or impossible in reality, such as a work of speculative fiction particularly in my case from cinema, in order to believe it for the sake of enjoyment.

So, the chastity device provides that suspension of disbelief that we are trapped, truly trapped and unable to do anything about it.  Until the first time your dick pops out the back of the device, and you immediately become crestfallen.  It happened to me, other people and if you’re looking at chastity to try, it will happen to you.  It took me months to recover from my first “pop-out” because I was suckered into the belief these were truly inescapable devices (once they fitted right).

They’re not.

Inescapable Enough?

As I said, I can pull out of my Steelheart, a £200+ custom-made device.  The piercing loop makes it near impossible to pull out, and I’d use it were it not for it chafing.  Even with that, I’m still capable of breaking the flimsy lock that is in place.

The ubiquitous integrated lock, common in a lot of chastity devices. Flimsy, soft metals, but a lock nonetheless.
The ubiquitous integrated lock. Flimsy, soft metals, but a lock nonetheless.

Some makers are working around this issue – Rigid Chastity invert their integrated locks meaning you cannot easily access the locking tab.  Badassworkroom’s locks are slightly larger and stainless steel making them marginally harder to break.  But, they can still be defeated with a drill, or picks.  Other manufacturers have alternative solutions, such as bespoke custom keys and screws, insertable clips that prevent the cage separating from the base ring once locked, and more besides.

Some people do additional things, such as glueing the locks – but even this can defeated with solvents.  Not a nice proposition to have those sorts of chemicals next to the delicate skin material on your penis or scrotum.  Other people have taken matters further and completely soldered their cage together.

It doesn’t matter what you do – the devices can and will come off in some fashion.  Whether that ultimately runs the risk of damage to your dick, is up to you.  Scare stories about about titanium cock rings not being able to be removed, and it’s not a huge stretch to imagine similar difficulties with chastity devices too.  Although the cock-ring and base ring requirements are different, being in a predicament where the cage needs removing via medical intervention has probably happened, and no doubt with massive embarrassment.

Just Make It Secure Enough For You.

What should matter is the level of what is ‘secure enough’ to allow that suspension of disbelief to kick in and fill the gap.  Some elements of chastity is fantasy after all, sexy games of power exchange between the locked male and the controlling keyholder.

Remember, I wear the key, you wear the cage.
Chastity 101 – the power exchange.

For me, a good piercing solution will provide enough of the suspension of disbelief for me to not pull out, nor to try to defeat my chastity device in any other way.  I know this through the experimentation with the Steelheart and it’s PA loop.  There is one more thing that makes defeating chastity a harder thing to do – but it’s nothing to do with the device itself.

The Best Security:  A Keyholder.

A keyholder is someone you put your trust in.  They are the one who you place in the position of power, the exchange of the access rights to your cock is put in their hands.  In my case, it’s my wife.  She has the key(s), the access rights are hers, my orgasms are hers, my cock’s ability to become fully erect is hers too.  Sexual pleasure for me at this point has been relegated to nipple stimulation, her fondling my balls (which can make me leak semen quite easily), or through tease and denial games she often has me playing.  My sexual energies that I put into masturbation are focused on her.

This is a huge incentive.  Not only are we placing trust in them, they place trust in us.  The dynamics of our relationship have changed, to the point where I dare not be caught bypassing the device.  I keep in mind that I am not the person responsible any more for my device actually being locked on me.  I never turned the key in the lock.  My keyholder did.  My wife.  My beloved.  She put the lock in place, turned the key and removed it.  I would be betraying her trust and my trust if I were to break this bond.  We have talked about it, and it would damage our relationship in a sense because chastity is now an integrated part of our sex lives, our daily lives too.

So I continue, onwards – in this cycle of denial and pleasure, where my wife controls the releasing, the orgasm, the sexual fulfilment of her locked hubby.  Then one day my wife talks of release dates – how we had not actually set one, or introduced any one of the myriad games that add time, take time, etc.  We’ve played those games.  They’re actually fun for hours or days but we often got bound up and confused by rules, the constantly changing times and dates and what actions I did or failed to do would add ‘x’ amount of time etc..  But I’m now approaching two months.  And my wife much prefers me locked up “safe and secure” to having to release me under the obligations of some rules.  So in a sense, I am in a permanent state of chastity.  Yes, it’s removed for me to tweeze the bloody hairs that irritate the skin under my base ring, or to deep clean and just check her property is still in good working order (maybe occasionally to ‘flush the pipes’ with a ruined orgasm).  It’s removed at her whims for her to play games with me (“Stay Hard” is a particular favourite, I’ll write that one up soon).  Other than that, I’m locked.  Quite often I’m now expected to please her, serve her naked except for my steel cage, with zero expectation of release.

In fact, releases may get even less frequent.  I’m prone to sending her inspirations and idea for her to chew over, and the idea of longer and longer locked periods is very appealing to her right now.  She talks of “high scores”, “doubling the previous records” and so forth.  It amuses her to talk of these ideas openly to me to see the looks of terror or horror, or even at times excitement cross my face.

She Sets The Terms.

I have no release date, bar the time she may either “give you back the keys because I don’t want them any more”, followed by a contemptuous laugh, or “when I die”.  I must admit I found the second statement very erotic and thrilling.  Not that I want my wife to die, but the idea she will play this game to her grave was just super super hot.  She’s very committed, as am I, and as the keyholder, she’s wanting it to be as permanent as possible.  As possible as chastity can be, but we need to suspend our disbelief, even if only a little.

It’s so cute that you think you have some sort of say in the matter! No sweetie, we've had this conversation before. You're in chastity permanently.
It’s so cute that you think you have some sort of say in the matter!
No sweetie, we’ve had this conversation before. You’re in chastity permanently.

My Conclusion

I like to think that the fantasy of “permanent” is one that is in the mind of the chaste male, helped along with the balance of actual difficulty to remove a device and the suspension of disbelief.  It’s a hot word in the context of this lifestyle, one that people can aspire to.  I never used to have any appeal in the idea of permanent – I loved to masturbate myself, I liked making love to my wife too.  The freedoms to unlock after it was not “hot” any more and rub one out in satisfaction was once enough.  That was, until my wife and I had that talk that basically said my life was to be spent in a device with very limited conditions.  In my head I’m now permanent, I’ve accepted the state, the altered mind of being under the control of my wife, having things only on her terms as much as I agree – remember, all that my wife and I do is essentially consensual.  But this device is locked on my body and it’s indefinitely with agreed conditions.  Conditions that I don’t scour my toolbox, or steal a key, or simply tell my wife I’ve had enough.  Conditions that I trust my wife, the keyholder to release me when needed, either for health and hygiene, or for her pleasurable, sometimes almost sadistic whims.

I’m not going to be using Araldite and snapping a key in my lock.  I don’t need to.  Although I’m in the process of waiting for a new cage with what I hope to be a better piercing solution, this increasing my perceived security, I don’t need to add anything else to the chastity setup we have.  My wife’s careful retention of the key, along with my willingness to submit to the power exchange we have is enough for me to keep on going as long as we both want to.  That’s permanent enough for me and for her.


What are your thoughts?  How permanent can chastity really be?  Is permanent really the right word?  Maybe a term like ‘indefinite’ is more appropriate, but doesn’t sound as hot to the ear or the eye to read in a caption, like the one headlining this article.

Mr Everyday

Mr Everyday

Total posts created: 40
A married locked submissive husband, who's wife holds his key, controls him and generally reaps the benefits of this lifestyle he chose. Gets quite nerdy about chastity from a philosophical and psychological perspective. Enjoys chastity, obviously. Also has a more than passing interest in spanking/discipline, bondage, and appreciates all things shiny and latexy. Also enjoys electronic music, obscure movies and other strange things.

5 thoughts on “What the heck is “permanent” chastity?”

  1. I agree on your idea that permanence is in the mind of the chaste male. I could use a bolt cutter any time to remove the lock I have on my Vice Mini. Or I could break the plastic cage, possibly with physical damage to my privates. I might be able to pull out even with the anti-pullout mechanism in place if I could stand the pain and scarring it would leave behind. But I shudder to think of the consequences to my marriage if I told my wife & KH that I want to go back to my masturbating ways of the past. I’ve confessed I want to love her sacrificially, that I want her to own my pleasure, and that I will be accountable to her daily for my fidelity. To turn back on that would be devastating to my integrity. (Gulp!!!) I’ve really cornered myself and there’s no way out now!

    1. I shudder to think of the consequences to my marriage if I told my wife & KH that I want to go back to my masturbating ways of the past

      – absolutely agree with the shuddering here. My KH wife often tells me that we “aren’t going back” to the old days. To be perfectly open about it – I don’t either, but that does mean I am to relinquish control, to, as you put it, ‘love her sacrificially’. I find great value in that sacrificial love, it has helped my wife find an inner confidence in our intimacy, to dominate more in our marriage (which I’m super happy with), and we have opened up and trust each other far more because of it.

      The old maxims of “be careful what you wish for” and “there’s no going back” really ring true. It seems there is a threshold we can cross when chastity becomes more than a game to a way of life where long-term becomes a normal way of living. We “played” for years on and off, but recently it’s rapidly turned towards that way of life, and we recently crossed the threshold of it being permanent because of the involvement of the keyholder. That’s why I considered the keyholder the ultimate security device, provided we give up the right control to them. Thanks for commenting!

  2. Thanks for the reply and additional thoughts!

    One question: have you noticed any hormonal / behavioral / psychological changes after a ruined orgasm? Did your wifef notice any change in your attentiveness, etc in the week afterwards?

    1. Hmm. Good questions. I get less ‘effect’ from a ruined orgasm. A normal orgasm seems to affect my mood, effectiveness towards my wife for anywhere between 3-5 days. If I were to ‘get away’ with sneaking an orgasm in somehow, I would not be able to hide that away from my wife. She seems to know when I’m trying too hard to cover up and when I’m genuinely affectionate. Same with ruined ones, but the ‘downtime’ is probably 1-2 days.

      She did try threatening me with spankings for each day I was not suitably affectionate, but I haven’t had an orgasm since in any form to test this out. Needless to say, the paddle is a suitably effective reminder for me as to who is in charge and where my affections should lie. If I were given the choice now, I’d opt for the ruined merely out of fear of the paddlings!

      One thing we’ve not fully explored, but are going to be, is the orgasm whilst caged. I can do it, she had got me to that point but we didn’t really have any recollection of observations regarding it’s effect on any changes afterwards. Again, there’s two aspects – a continued stimulation orgasm (what I’d term a caged normal orgasm), and a ruined caged orgasm.

      It’s interesting seeing the changes in mood, attitude, tone, effectiveness, etc in all these different scenarios. Probably something worth collecting some data over and doing an article on it in the future. I’ll put that into my list. Thanks for the food for thought there!

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