Ticking off another 7 days from my lockup. Now, what’s 7 days subtracted from infinity? Hmmm…
A Day Of… Nothing.
A weird thing happened on Wednesday. I had been out the night before with my wife, celebrating the wedding anniversary (a few days late, but the place we wanted to go to eat is usually packed on weekends so we waited a few days). That was all good. I marvelled at my wife’s looks, we had a great time, we even talked about how our marriage had altered over the recent years, the abysmal start that we had had owing to various factors. How things were looking more positive, and even how chastity was playing some part in that. We’ve been exploring little kinky play too, so that was an additional factor. Now, we got home, and all was good.
The following morning, I got up, did my household duties (make the bed, prepare breakfasts, etc.) and took our dog out, who decided they were going to be a pain in the ass by running off. Once I’d recovered him, and was quite pissed off about it all, got home, I was not really in a mood to face my day. I had a busy work schedule. Everything was still “fine”.
My first client was one where I could sit in the garden and relax (if you must know, I deal with dogs – walking, visiting, etc). All fine. Messaging my wife, just saying that I wasn’t in a good headspace with work, not really prepared for it. Then it hit me. A big wall of nothing.
I really felt nothing. Void. Empty. It was awful. I felt like it was approaching one of the breakdowns I’ve had in the past (yes, I have a history of mental health problems, mostly behind me now with good treatment and lifestyle changes).
I slowly started to pick up by the end of the day, had recovered fairly substantially by the end of the following day. After that, I’ve felt pretty much back to “normal” (whatever passes for the constantly horny normal I have these days!).
It’s really hard to determine if our chastity lifestyle had any impact on this. Or if there was something else going on. Did my brain just decide to suddenly shut off everything, in order to reset my headspace? I don’t know. I’m just logging it here in case it ever happens again, and I’ll have a reference point to see if there’s a pattern…
Me, Me, Me. Me Too.
One of the interesting reflection conversations that I had with my wife was really surrounding who was getting the most “benefits” from our lifestyle. Things have changed a little now – I’m not being unlocked for playtimes, and that’s fine. We’d talked about how me being let out to play was happening too frequently. So I am now 24/7 locked in until she decides. I did make a suggestion of setting a vague date between 2-4 weeks, because 2 weeks is the longest constant lock-in I’ve ever done, and we just don’t know what will happen in the days following that.
She’s provisionally agreed, although had mentioned that my release would be Feb 29th. I looked it up. It’s 2024. I hope she was joking.
But in all seriousness, we had also come to a realisation that the focus on her was not enough. Our lives had changed in some ways already, so it wasn’t that she was being ignored. I cook for her, wait on her, clean her in the shower (she now gives me the privilege of cleaning her intimate parts), even shaving her legs is now part of my repertoire of things I do for her. She gets pleasured in the bedroom too – but usually after some session of teasing me. That was to change.
Now, she has stipulated that I am to follow her orders in the bedroom, that if a session is for her, she will tell me that I am to expect nothing. Well, that turns me on for a start. My focus is to be more on her. I am not being allowed out to play, but am being given the opportunities to turn that towards her.
It’s worked very very well so far. Some instances of outright denial to be unlocked, with only very minimal teasing during post-wife-pleasing cuddling times. It’s made me so bloody horny of late with these super-focused times.
We’ve also ordered a sex toy for her which is only for her – one of these new-fangled clitoral stimulators. Made by Lelo, it’s very well reviewed and given her post-menopause sexual sensitivities, perfect for the external stimulation that gets her off.
I just wish she’d let me do oral on her… Augh. But it’s up to her, and we’re really getting into the stride of her being really the dominant partner and making her own choices in things. It’s great.
Playtime is Going To Be Interesting.
Well, I ordered a bunch of bits and pieces for our anniversary, and threw in some “extras”. These mostly consisted of some lingerie, a leather paddle, some bondage rope and some cuffs for ankles and wrists.
These pieces turned up late, which was fine. I offered up the lingerie first (softening her up lol). She liked it. The mask, which was supposed to look sultry and seductive, looked awful. It was a little bit of a tight fit, however we both liked the style so it’s definitely a look we’re going to try and source better fits for the future.
The paddle was next. Gleefully accepted with a joyous laugh (should I be worried?), it was immediately given a ‘test drive’ on my ass. Nice sting, and most importantly it’s very easy for my wife to use given the thin weak wrists she has. It’ll take more and longer walloping, but the sting certainly left an impression for quite a while. I’ll definitely look at getting a larger/heavier one. There’s a set of 5 different pieces on Etsy I’ve got my eye one, maybe when I get some more money saved it could be a gift later in the year. I really must reconsider how delighted I am to look for gifts to give my wife that are going to cause me pain. Think I’m going nuts.
Speaking of going nuts – I finally presented the bondage gear. This was met with stone cold silence and her staring at it. Now we have experimented with her tying me to the bed (I fucking loved it), but it was tricky and I could have slipped out at any point had I even struggled a little bit. But in this box was a set of fairly decent faux-leather cuffs for both wrists and ankles, with small connecting chains (bit too long in my opinion), and a length of bondage rope. The rope can be cut in half or quarters for the use I envisaged it for.
It was the silence though. I thought I’d pushed too far. She put it down, and calm asked if I could figure what she thought of it. I didn’t know. She asked again if I knew what she was thinking. I said I could not and wasn’t sure what she was going to say. Her face was so inscrutable at this point.
She suddenly laughed and said, “I love it! It’s giving me so many ideas of what to do to you!” and went on to marvel and delight at being able to restrain me better. As she said at one point that controlling her man was the most important thing she needed to do. Being able to cuff my legs and/or arms, tie me to the bed, or chair, or whatever was going to be “so much fun”.
So that was that. She hasn’t made use of them, and is aware there is something else coming (my collar), and I’m going to help the preparation for that with some suitable memes/captions that will set the tone. She’s already expressed an interest in doing this, and leashing me to perform certain “tasks”. So it’s not in the realm of ‘out there’ stuff.
We shall see where this ends up, but it’s really becoming a case of ‘careful what I wish for’ because at some point, I’m probably going to be bound for unlocking and never getting to touch my cock again. Which excites me in a bizarre way…
Vintage Captions From The Archives.
I had a silly idea, and made a few “Vintage” chastity captions, just trying something light-hearted and fun. I quite like them, and wonder what my readers think? Post your thoughts in the comments section at the end!
More of these will be coming soon 🙂
Chastity Caption of The Week
This week – courtesy of Tom Allen’s Denial-Permanent.tumblr.com page – source blog post.
I think I’m heading in this direction, and I am conflicted. I am already indefinitely locked, and now with extensions to being locked without release (regular-ish deep clean unlocks excepting), but to be locked without release, in a device that can allow decent hygiene routines…? It’s a hot idea, but also terrifying. I contemplated the nature of permanent chastity here, and it’s probably something I’m going to revisit in my writings from time to time…
See you all next week, and stay locked. If you’re not locked, WHY THE HECK NOT!!!