My goodness, has another week gone past? Time for another episode of my adventures…
Making Things Permanent
My wife and I had a random lunchtime conversation. It went something very much like this:
“I like you locked.” she says.
“Okay…” I reply, suddenly guarded.
“So I’ve decided something.”
“Right…” (starts sweating)
“I’m making this a permanent arrangement.”
“Ok…” (my watch goes off with a ‘High Heart Rate’ alert)
“And the only way you’ll ever be free again is if I give you the keys back or I die.”
But seriously, we talked about how our current arrangement was working every well. We’ve not done fixed dates – done those in the past and it’s not really worked. We just decided I should lock, keep it on for as long as was comfortable. Nearing the 40-day mark she just turned round and started talking about how she never wanted it to end. I am now effectively permanently in chastity for my wife. Not a ‘totally sealed in, never ever EVER getting out’, but more I am locked unless my wife wants me out, I need to for medical/hygiene reasons. That’s it.
I’ve overcome irritation and skin issues that have plagued previous attempts, and really need to look at a good epilator to remove hair on my cock and balls. If any readers have suggestions, please leave a comment! I’d really appreciate it. My hair is potentially very thick and I’m “blessed” with Pili multigemini, meaning I have a TON of hair. Waxing is a horrible mess where more wax is left on my skin than pulling hairs (basically, the hair wins). I’m currently tweezing and it’s taking hours each time, and bloody uncomfortable too.
So with that, my prior arrangement of 30 days minimum, 60 maximum is now out of the window as per my keyholder wife. She has new terms, and I’m now on day 43 of ∞. Awesome.
It’s quite liberating actually. There’s no complex rules, systems, I can’t earn rewards or be punished with more time. It’s freedom in that it really is down to her whims whether I am released or not. I am to please her locked, or if she wishes, not locked. She finds it amusing sometimes to unlock me after a longer period because my cock goes super sensitive, and so she sets me free because it turns me on ridiculously having it swing around. It’s a strange sensation compared to being restrained 24/7 otherwise. One time she had me go for a walk round the neighbourhood and report in how it felt. I kept getting erections because the sensations were so damn nice.
So it all being down to my keyholder, I have no pattern, no schedule. The only hints she gave were to have a “high score”. I’m an alcoholic, sober over 7 years now. I always said my time sober was a high score – my previous was three months lol. So she’s taken that high score element and applied it to my orgasms. My high score is 30 days. She wants to double it at least. In fact she likes doubling things. I think that’s easier for her to remember. Any score/value she thinks of can be easily remembered by just doubling. Unfortunately that goes for my punishments too. Writing lines doubles. Time out doubles. Paddling doubles. Urgh.
Along with making my chastity terms more permanent – i.e. no fixed dates at all, she’s beginning to exert a lot more control on things. I’ve probably made mention of being made to be more financially controlled – now I have to create shopping lists for approval, she has the right to veto items, etc. Whereas before I could get petrol and a snack/drink, it is now only petrol. As we run a home business in a partnership, we have to keep all the receipts. And she will inspect them. I’m fine with this. Rising costs means tightening our belts a bit.
But she’s also finding her voice. We talked about how to deal with an attitude problem I have – I’m easily stressed, frustrated (negatively, non-sexually), and get angry at times. Fortunately I’m never angry at her directly, I always direct it at inanimate objects, but it makes me a bitch to be around. We’ve got a few tools on the table to use, and she’s never felt confident to tackle it head-on, rather waiting for me to calm myself.
However, citing yesterday as an example (lot of shit to do, little time to do it in meant I was stressed and angry) – she spoke to me very firmly. I was already due a paddling for the mornings frustrations, and she scolded me I a way that stopped me in my tracks. I was very subdued after that, until I had to go upstairs for the paddling. We tried a new position, and suffice to say, it still smarts this morning.
It also bought me to tears for the first time ever. I felt much better after it. We both did. We know and agree that the punishment is for a behaviour, it’s never done in anger, and there is some aftercare as I get into a really emotionally vulnerable state afterwards. We cuddled, she reassured me, I promised to try better.
It’s a powerful thing to be under her control – not just sexually, but having her help me in ways I cannot do myself to better myself for her. She still finds it odd that it helps me, despite then saying she feels better afterwards for having dealt with something in a physical way. Out of the system so to speak.
It is a way that I am learning to submit, which is detailed more below.
Learning To Submit
When a man is also inclined or willing to yield or surrender to the will or authority of a woman for her happiness is the an important aspect of a healthy marriage.
I am in an early stage of coming to terms with being in submission to my wife. She is the one in charge, the head of our household. Fortunately we don’t have kids, so it’s something we can easily do regardless of circumstances that are happening in our daily lives. She effectively runs our home business, the vastly more experienced and knowledgable who the clients talk to. I’m the cook, the servant when guests are around. She is the hostess, engaging and talking and all that stuff.
This really helped with removing our tensions – bickering when egos clash, or needs are not met in selfish attitudes of “me first”. We barely argue any more, not because I’m afraid to do so, but because there’s little need.
But it’s bloody hard to be submissive when I’m actively trying to pursue it as a goal. A wife who wan’t hugely into men being at her feet, or deferring to her authority on things, despite having been quite strict and dominant in areas prior to our marriage becoming more of an FLR.
There have been times where she’s tried to be “the boss”, and it’s just rubbed me up the wrong way. As time has gone on though, I find myself more attuned to that becoming the norm. Very much like when I gave up my access to the bank accounts. I fought it, I hated it, I knew it was for the right reasons, we agreed to it. Now it’s the norm, I am given a little responsibility and it’s really only under supervision now. I’m happy with this.
In the bedroom, she’s becoming more in charge. The is one thing I am really happy for. I want her to be relaxed, comfortable with things, to do it on her terms. She does want me to be happy, and there is negotiations in what we do. As she’s found new powers, her mind has been opened to new experiences – from sensory play with blindfolds to light bondage. She’s not super sexually active being in menopause, and we’re working on that. She’s got a treatment to use, we’re going to be doing more toy work, which for me being chaste will be a very submissive thing to do.
Yesterday, as I mentioned above, she found her ‘strict’ voice. I have had to guide her into what is potentially most effective against me. She tested it, and I could tell when she found her authority. The tone changed, it made me drop my gaze, she kept on. Afterwards I explained I could tell the point at which she really found the voice. I defined it as trying to imagine the “strict headmistress” (a fantasy I think she could get into), and that was a term she really understood.
Later she really scolded me and I hated it. Which was great. It really had that instant submissive effect. I yielded to her completely at that point. It wasn’t like the quote below though:
Being submissive doesn’t mean being someone’s doormat. It doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you are strong enough to know your desires, strong enough to let go of control. Being submissive isn’t easy, and it isn’t for the weak.
It was a deference to her. She knew she was acting in my best interests, dealing with an attitude I didn’t want to have and she recognised. She saw it change me, and that encouraged her to keep going.
So I’ve a long way to go in my submissive journey, and we’ve got time to explore it. I’m preparing to gift her a collar for me as our anniversary is coming up soon (amongst some of the more typical anniversary gifts). She’s made mention of using one, and should help to reinforce the Domme/sub dynamic we’re living with.
I continue to study the life of a submissive, but it’s hard to find examples of a sub in a monogamous marriage scenario. So I read, learn, adapt and try to practice what I study for her – that she may recognise elements and look at how to exploit that further for herself in her Dominant position.
If any readers have suggestions of things to read, drop a line in the comments, I’d really appreciate it! Always willing to learn more, and adapt what I learn to our dynamic!
Illness, Life and FLR’s
My wife is ill. She struggles with hypotension – try convincing your GP this is a bad thing, because to a lot of them it seems like low blood pressure = good, high blood pressure = bad. She’s not at a stage of collapsing, but has had too cut back on a lot of her work over the last couple of years. She can barely walk up a slope without getting out of breath now. Fortunately, being in a marriage like ours, and with the added authority of the FLR arrangement we have, I have been taking on her client work in the mornings. Our schedules are often opposite, she’ll be doing very early morning clients, I have a lot of lunchtime/afternoon clients so it’s all workable without a lot of stress.
It does mean she often feels incredibly useless. I have to support her, encouraging her that she’s doing great – she handles nearly all the admin and that is essentially what keeps our business afloat.
The good news is there are tests being done, we have a strong suspicion of what it is that’s causing this – the doc’s aren’t getting our hopes up though. If our suspicions are correct, then the treatment is pretty easy and quick. But it needs to be confirmed by testing, the right results are needed to get the treatment right. The tests are next week, results the week after. We’ll know by then. But waiting is the hard game – for her at least, I’m more used to waiting being denied my orgasms lol.
But you don’t need to know all the ins and outs of our daily lives now, do you, reader? Well, actually. It makes for an interesting set of questions:
- How does an FLR arrangement work in the same situation – where I am having to tell my leader, my wife, the head of household to “sit down, let me handle x thing”?
- How does chastity work in a situation like this, where the keyholder is not physically capable of doing what she desires?
Some people do pause on these things when life gets in the way. If we were to pause, we’d never get back into it. Simply because the issues we’ve faced in our marriage of the last 13 years could have made most people split apart, and we nearly did.
My wife has gone through a horrible, surgically induced menopause, received shitty treatment for it, meaning I was on the receiving end of the hormonally imbalanced abusive shouting and ranting that she would do without being aware of it. I was a closet crossdresser at the time (I don’t really care for it any more, but I don’t judge those who do it either), which she absolutely hates and caught me. I played with anal toys – again something she hates (she is open to the concept of oral being okay, but not really willing to try…) – she would find them, and arguments would abound. Financial stresses. My nervous breakdowns. Shitty jobs where I worked 18hrs a day for weeks at a time. 5 years working without holidays.
All things that created a shitty environment in our marriage. We dealt with each one, worked it through. Hoped it was the end, we would see better days.
When I introduced male chastity to our marriage, it seemed to have potential. In fact, eventually it did (which is why you’re reading this blog lol), and we’ve become closer, more open about our marriage as a whole, as well as being able to open up and explore other kinks and ideas to make things fun and interesting once more. We had something of an FLR in our early marriage, my wife is naturally quite dominant, and chastity really started to begin to begin this out of her.
But now we face a new challenge. She’s got the energy of a mobile on 10% battery. Any effort takes her below that threshold.
We have to adapt our FLR situation to fit. I have to take charge at times. So how does she retain control here? It’s really rather simple. Everything I do is done in deference to her. So if I need to cook her food, I will tell her that I need to do this for her, but she tells me exactly what she wants. I tell her to sit and rest, but will wait at her feet to see what she wants done.
It does help. She will often perk up in the afternoons and become more proactive in her leadership. It lifts her back into doing something. She will save herself to administer corrections if needed. She will direct me in smaller tasks and return to her feet to await the next. She’ll make suggestions.
As for chastity, it can work here too. I’m at a sensitive stage – all she has to do is cup my balls gently and rub a few times and I’m ready to ejaculate. She can bring me to my knees with a few simple, deft strokes. She could almost do the same on my nipples (recently pierced and now more sensitive). I’m convinced I could orgasm through nipple stimulation alone. She can message suggestive things, she has all the intentions to tease, edge, but not the physical capacity. She gets upset at this, thinking she is letting me down – but I tell her that she should see it as a denial. She is getting my hopes up, my expectations raised to be dashed. Sure, it’s not the same as her playfully changing her mind, but it’s denial nonetheless.
So it can work if adaptations are made. We’ve talked about attraction, appearance and the like – I’ve always said that if she were any different, it would not have changed my love for her. She often says her boobs weren’t big enough for men to be interested in her – to which I always reply:
“Your boobs fit in my hands perfectly. That’s big enough for me. I love them for the natural fit they have.”
And she appreciates that. She gives my balls a quick grab and shake, making me moan.
“And your balls are just big enough for me now.”
Adapting things to your life is probably a better way of looking at things like male chastity and FLR’s because otherwise you’re going to struggle fitting the “ideal” into it. Our chastity and FLR dynamics are solidly entrenched in our lives because they are slotted in to it, not based on an “internet porn fantasy” trying to wedge painfully into our lives like unlubricated anal…
As my wife keeps telling me – “Just you wait until I’m better.”
It would be interesting to hear how well, or poorly either chastity or an FLR arrangement have slotted into your day-to-day lives. I see ours as a smooth rendering on the wall of our marriage. We have a strong marriage despite our struggles (probably more because of those struggles), and putting these dynamics into it was a glue that really bound it tighter together. What are your thoughts?
Silly Shit I Saw This Week
Well, it’s bloody obvious. We sit. Like women have to. It’s bloody hard to pee standing up (but not impossible), because our dick’s flexibility is somewhat impaired. In fact, it’s something of a meme itself:
Oh, and it also takes longer to clean up too. Urgh. Especially in my device…
So yeah, a chastity male is often forced to sit, an act of humility, humiliation or submission. Take your pick. As for getting caught short outdoors… that’s a totally different story!
See you all next week! Stay locked, and if you aren’t locked, WHY THE HELL NOT???